The Day I Lost My Taste for Love, and for You Chapter 04
The next day was a Sunday.
Oliver left early and said the company had an urgent project that needed overtime.
I did not call out the long curl of hair on his collar that was not mine.
Around noon, Jessica posted in our group chat.
Jessica: [Drinks tonight at Dusk to celebrate hitting our project milestone! Everybody come, we’re not leaving sober!]
Then she tagged me separately.
Jessica: [Anna, I got carried away yesterday. I’ll take three shots as penance tonight to make it up to you. You have to come.]
Less than a minute later, Oliver messaged me privately.
Oliver: [Anna, let’s both cool off about last night. Jessica’s put a thing together tonight. Come out, let everyone have a good time, don’t sit around the apartment.]
I looked at the characters flickering on the screen.
I deleted the message and locked the phone.
That afternoon, I dug the suitcase out from the very bottom of the closet.
I packed the clothes I rarely wore, a few books, and some small personal things.
There was much less than I had expected.
The apartment was full of traces of “us” everywhere, and what belonged to me alone could not even fill a twenty-four-inch suitcase.
I stacked all the jewelry and handbags Oliver had given me neatly on the vanity.
That included the diamond necklace I had never worn.
At eight that evening, I walked into Dusk.
There were already seven or eight people in the private room when I pushed the door open.
They were all friends Oliver and Jessica had in common.
“Hey, Anna’s here!”
Somebody whooped.
Jessica came over at once and linked her arm through mine, all warmth.
“You finally showed. I thought you were too mad at me to come.”
Her makeup was flawless that night, and in a slip dress, she looked radiant.
Oliver sat in the middle of the couch, and when he saw me, his face relaxed into a relieved smile.
He patted the empty seat beside him.
“Anna. Sit here.”
I walked over and sat down.
The table was covered with liquor bottles and platters of fruit.
The games had already reached their peak.
“Come on, let’s play something with some bite to it!” one of the guys said, drumming on the table. “Mystery box food dare!”
Jessica’s hand shot up in support.
“Yes, do it. I brought the horror-movie edition.”
She turned and produced a black, opaque box from the corner of the room.
It was full of small plastic cups.
“The rules are easy. Whoever loses gets blindfolded and eats whatever’s in a random cup. No spitting. You have to swallow it.”
A roar of laughter went around the room.
Oliver turned his head and lowered his voice against my ear.
“If you’re not up for it, I’ll take yours when you lose.”
His voice came through the pounding music as clear and gentle as ever.
Three rounds in, I lost.
The setup was obvious.
Jessica came toward me with a black silk scarf in her hand.
“You lost fair and square, Anna.”
She tied the scarf over my eyes before I could say anything.
Everything went dark.
A cold plastic cup was pressed into my hand.
“Drink it, drink it!” the others chanted.
I could smell what was in the cup.
There was wasabi heat in it, and under that a heavy rotting stench like canned fish left out in the sun.
It was the kind of mixture that turns a stomach on contact.
“Let me take it for her.”
Oliver’s voice came, and he seemed to reach for the cup.
“Hey, Oliver, you can’t do that!” Jessica blocked him at once, her voice going sweet and petulant. “We agreed, no substitutions. If you shield her like that, what’s the point of playing?”
The others joined in.
“Come on, Anna’s usually a good sport. It’s a tiny forfeit.”
“Drink! Drink!”
Oliver went quiet.
The hand that had reached for the cup drew back.
“Anna…” he said under his breath. “One swallow, then drink water right after.”
He was giving in.
Once again, caught between me and Jessica’s “game,” he chose to go along with her.
My hand tightened around the cup.
In the dark, every sense I had left was turned up to its limit.
I listened to the laughter around me, the chanting, and Oliver’s weightless little comfort.
And all at once the whole thing struck me as absurd beyond words.
I raised the cup without hesitating and drank the thick liquid down in one go.
The burn tore down my throat and into my stomach.
The pain was bad enough that I could barely breathe.
But I did not throw up.
I pulled the scarf off my eyes and slammed the empty cup upside down on the table.
“Finished.”
My voice was hoarse and unnaturally calm.
The room went silent for a second.
Jessica had clearly not expected me to do it that cleanly, and after a blank moment, she clapped with a dry laugh.
“Anna can really put it away! What a sport!”
Oliver held out a glass of water at once.
“Drink this, it’ll settle it.”
There was a flash of panic in his eyes.
“Why did you drink it so fast?”
I did not take the water.
I stood up and picked my bag up off the couch.
“I’m tired. I’m heading back.”
“Anna, I’ll take you.” Oliver stood too.
“Don’t.” I looked at him and stepped back. “Enjoy your night.”
I did not look at anyone’s face, and I turned and pushed the door open.
The late autumn wind outside was cold.
I walked down the street alone with my stomach heaving, and I made myself stay upright.
I came back to an empty apartment.
I pulled out the suitcase I had already packed.
I stood in front of the vanity for a few last seconds.
Then I set the front door key down gently beside the diamond necklace.
I said goodbye to Oliver in my head, and I meant it for good.