Dear Hubby, Bro & BFF. You All Watched Me Break? Now Watch Me Leave Chapter 03
He took my hand and pointed up at the sky.
“Look how wide open it is. Nothing’s closing in on you. How about we walk home?”
“No elevators, no cars. We can walk all afternoon if that’s what you need.”
It took us two and a half hours to get home that day.
He bought me a warm pretzel from a street cart and told me stories about climbing trees in the country when he was a kid. He kept talking the whole way, doing everything he could to make me laugh.
At six thirty that evening, Colin came home carrying a bag.
“Paige asked me to bring these to you. They’re organic blueberries from an orchard near her internship site. She says they’re good for anxiety.”
He smiled as he washed the blueberries and set them in front of me.
“See how much Paige cares about you?”
I stared at the container. Each blueberry was dark purple, plump, and still beaded with water.
Suddenly, I couldn’t remember what blueberries tasted like.
There was nothing wrong with my sense of taste. I was simply losing the ability to feel anything at all.
Two weeks later, I walked out of the bathroom and immediately noticed something different about the light in the living room.
A layer of dark window film covered the floor-to-ceiling windows, leaving the entire room dim and boxed in.
My heart began to race, and my hands clenched on their own.
Colin leaned out of the home office.
“Paige says you need to get used to changes in lighting, too. We’re starting by dimming the room a little.”
I rushed to the windows, but the second my fingers touched the glass, Colin grabbed me from behind.
“Paige said this is part of the adjustment process. If you tear it down now, everything we’ve done will be for nothing.”
“You run every time you panic. How are you ever supposed to get better like that?”
He locked both arms tightly around me.
“I don’t need to adjust to this!”
I struggled against him, my voice shaking badly.
“Take the film down.”
“Natalie, calm down.”
His voice was still gentle, but I could hear the impatience underneath it.
I wrenched myself away and walked into the kitchen. I pulled a paring knife from the knife block, returned to the windows, and slashed straight through the film.
The film split open, and sunlight streamed through the gap.
“Natalie Foster!”
I didn’t stop.
I kept cutting until the film hung in shreds and daylight flooded back into the room.
Colin’s expression darkened.
“Have you lost your mind? Do you have any idea how much that cost or how long Paige spent looking for it?”
“I don’t care what it cost.”
Colin rushed over and snatched the knife from my hand.
“The doctor said no more forced exposure. Making the room this dark mimics an enclosed space. What part of that don’t you understand?”
My voice was steadier than I expected.
“Natalie, can you stop assuming the worst about everything? Paige only changed the lighting. She didn’t lock you in a room. If you keep treating everything like a threat, you’ll only get worse.”
Colin took a deep breath, tossed the knife into the sink, and picked up his phone.
The video call was already connected. Derek was on the screen, frowning at me.
“Natalie, Colin told me what happened.”
“What the hell is wrong with you? They’re spending their own time and money trying to help, and you pull a knife? Do you have any idea how that makes Colin feel?”
“Derek, the doctor said…”
“Stop hiding behind your doctor!”
He cut me off with a shout.
“You’ve been like this your entire life. You’re afraid of everything, so you run from everything. You should be grateful Colin’s still willing to deal with it. Is there a single friend in your life who hasn’t gotten sick of you?”
He paused, then added, “Colin and Paige are the only ones still trying to help, and this is how you repay them?”
I stared at his flushed face on the screen and remembered the year he graduated from college, when he took me to an amusement park.
I had crouched outside a haunted house, arms wrapped around my head, refusing to move.
Derek hadn’t said a word. He had simply bent down, lifted me onto his back, and run.
He carried me more than a hundred yards, already breathless. I sobbed against his back until he finally set me down and gently patted my shoulder.
“We won’t do anything like that again.”
The video call ended.
Colin came over and sat beside me, his tone serious.
“Natalie, Paige genuinely wants to help you. Think about it. Other than the two of us, who else would put this much effort into helping you get better?”
He squeezed my hand.
“Even Derek says you need to cooperate.”
I said nothing as something inside me split open.
By eleven that night, I was already in bed when Colin’s phone rang in the living room.
Paige’s voice drifted in through the speakerphone, tearful and hurt.
“Colin, did I cross a line? Does she think I’m trying to hurt her?”
Colin answered in a low, gentle voice.
“This isn’t your fault, Paige. I’ll talk to her.”
I lay in the dark with my eyes closed.
If it wasn’t her fault, it had to be mine.
Colin returned five minutes later.
“Natalie, send Paige a text and apologize.”
“She’s genuinely trying to help you. Can you stop fighting her over everything?”
He looked down at me.
“Who else would put this much effort into helping you?”
I opened my eyes and stared at him, but I couldn’t find a trace of the man he used to be.
“Fine,” I whispered. “I’ll apologize.”
I picked up my phone and typed a message.
[Paige, I’m sorry.]
Then I set my phone down and closed my eyes.
The last light I still saw in him finally went out.