I Saved My Sister, So They Drowned Me Chapter 04
After saving for a while longer, I finally had enough money.
I asked Aunt Rachel for half a day off and took a two-hour bus ride to Riverside General Hospital – Psychiatric Department.
I waited in line for three hours.
When I entered the consultation room, the psychiatrist looked through my assessment results.
His brows slowly tightened.
“Severe Depression.”
“Your psychosomatic symptoms are also quite severe.”
“Why did you wait until now to seek help?”
“Is there anyone with you?”
“They didn’t come.”
“Your condition requires someone to provide caregiving.”
“You have a risk of self-harm.”
“You shouldn’t be left alone right now.”
The Medical Diagnosis Report was handed to me.
The red stamp on the white paper felt almost unbearable to look at.
After leaving the hospital, I sat beside the flower bed outside the entrance.
Under the blazing sun.
Still trembling.
I took a picture of the Medical Diagnosis Report.
I hesitated for a long time.
Then I sent it privately to Mom.
“Mom, I wasn’t faking it.”
“I wasn’t trying to compete with Lily for anything.”
“I’m really sick.”
“The psychiatrist said I need my family with me.”
After sending it, I stared at the screen.
Waiting for one sentence.
“Where are you? Mom will come get you.”
Even just:
“Is it serious?”
That would have been enough.
Ten minutes later, my phone rang.
It was Dad.
“Dad…”
“Are you crazy?!”
His roar crashed through the phone.
“Why did you send that thing?”
“Your mom was taking Lily shopping.”
“Lily saw it and started crying so hard she could barely breathe.”
“She kept saying she was sorry to you.”
“Are you happy now?”
“I only sent it to Mom…”
“Does that make any difference?!”
“You just can’t stand seeing this family doing well!”
“Lily finally made it through this.”
“And you had to wave around some stupid diagnosis and drag her back into that nightmare!”
“Dad, it’s real…”
“Even if it is real, you brought this on yourself!”
He was breathing heavily.
“You took care of Lily for a few days and now you’re depressed?”
“Are you trying to make this whole family beg for your forgiveness?”
Through the phone, I could faintly hear Lily gasping desperately.
Mom’s crying voice mixed in.
Everything was chaos.
Then Dad’s voice suddenly dropped.
Cold.
Like ice had formed around every word.
“I just transferred ten thousand dollars to you.”
“It’s from your mom’s and my retirement savings.”
My phone lit up with a transfer notification.
The note said:
Don’t come back.
“Take the money and get treatment if you want.”
“Don’t come home for the holidays either.”
“From now on, just think of this family as having only one daughter.”
“This family can’t handle you causing more trouble.”
Beep—
I lowered my phone from my ear.
Ten thousand dollars.
They used ten thousand dollars to ended a daughter out of their lives.
I tapped refund.
Then I took the medication bag and the Medical Diagnosis Report.
And threw them into the trash outside the hospital.
So even getting treatment didn’t matter.
In their eyes, my illness wasn’t an illness.
It was a crime.
That night, I didn’t go back to Aunt Rachel’s coffee shop.
I walked for a long time.
The streetlights stretched my shadow longer and longer behind me.
I passed by Riverside Park.
The gates were locked.
There was a gap in the fence beside it.
I squeezed through.
I sat down on a bench.
At midnight, Riverside Park was completely empty.
I took out my phone.
Opened the Notes app.
“Lily’s Care Instructions.”
From the first note to the twenty-third.
Every line was packed tightly together.
Which days her medication had to be taken with food.
Which seasons made her symptoms return.
What color of light scared her when she woke up at night.
How to pat her back when she said she didn’t want to live.
Every single line.
I had figured it out while sitting beside her bed.
I added a twenty-fourth note at the bottom.
“Everything above is something only I knew.”
“Now I’m giving it all back to you.”
I exited the note.
Created a new one.
Only one sentence.
“This is the last time I’ll ever do this for you.”
I placed my phone on the bench.
The screen faced upward.
Then I stood up.
Behind Riverside Park was a river.
A section of the Riverside Trail barrier had broken during last year’s tornado.
It had never been repaired.
Whenever I took Lily for walks before, I always stood between Lily and that gap.
Afraid she would get too close.
Now I stood there alone.
Looking at the broken barrier.
Suddenly, I remembered that story again.
I wondered what waited beneath the ice.
I took one step forward.
My toes hung over the edge.
The river was so close.
I could see my reflection.
Blurry.
Fading whenever the wind blew.
I took off my canvas sneakers.
Placed them neatly beside the broken barrier.
The shoelace on the right shoe had come loose.
I bent down.
And tied it carefully.
The wind was strong.
But I didn’t feel cold anymore.
The next morning, Riverside Park administrator Henry Walker arrived for his morning inspection.
The first thing he noticed was a phone sitting on the bench.
The screen was still lit.
He walked over and picked it up.
He glanced at the screen.
The Notes page was open.
The title read:
“Lily’s Care Instructions.”
He couldn’t understand it.
He looked up.
His eyes followed the path ahead.
Near the broken section of the barrier at the far east end.
There was a pair of white canvas sneakers.
The laces were tied neatly.
His expression changed.
He quickly grabbed the phone and started scrolling through the contact list…