Dear Hubby, Bro & BFF. You All Watched Me Break? Now Watch Me Leave Chapter 01
Even before we got married, Colin Hayes knew I suffered from severe claustrophobia.
Over the next three years, he removed every lock in our home and even replaced the bathroom door with a curtain.
He never slept with the bedroom door closed, even in the middle of winter when all the heat escaped into the hallway.
When I asked if he was cold, he wrapped himself in two blankets and smiled.
“As long as you can sleep peacefully, I’m fine.”
Then my best friend, Paige Sullivan, came over one day and tricked me into the storage room.
The second I heard the lock click from outside, I fell apart. I pounded on the door and screamed, then curled up on the floor as I lost control of my bladder and bowels.
Fifteen minutes later, the door finally opened.
Colin stood outside with his phone raised while Paige laughed so hard she doubled over into a crouch.
“Oh my God. She actually peed herself.”
Colin’s voice was gentle.
“Paige says this is exposure therapy. A few more sessions and you won’t be so scared anymore. Your brother agrees that we need to help you face your fears. It’ll get easier the more we do it.”
My brother, Derek Foster, was on the other end of the video call.
“Look at you,” Derek snapped. “You’re a grown woman, for God’s sake.”
I was soaked through, reeking of urine. I was shaking too hard to stand.
As I stared at the lock that had been installed on the storage room door, everything finally fell into place.
Colin had locked the bedroom door last month. He had activated the car’s window lock two weeks ago, too.
He had spent three years removing every lock in our home, only to put them back one by one with his own hands.
I slowly pushed myself upright without crying or saying a word.
I wouldn’t need anyone to open this door for me again.
***
My legs were so weak that my knees hit the threshold, and I practically crawled out of the storage room.
Paige backed away with one hand over her nose, doubling over with laughter.
“Oh God, that smell could knock someone out.”
Colin was still holding up his phone. On the screen, Derek stared at me coldly.
“Just look at yourself. You’re thirty years old, and you still can’t handle one little dark room.”
“You’re lucky Colin still puts up with you.”
Colin quickly turned to the screen.
“Derek, don’t say that. Natalie just needs more time.”
“More time? It’s been three years. If you keep coddling her, she’ll never get better.”
Derek gave a dismissive snort.
I remained on my knees as urine spread across the floor beneath me, forming a dark circle around my body.
Colin crouched down and reached for me, but I shoved his hand away.
My palms were slick with sweat, and bits of plaster from the storage room wall were still lodged beneath my fingernails.
“Next time, let’s make it twenty minutes,” Paige said. “We have to build up gradually. That’s what my textbook says.”
Derek gave a grunt of agreement through the phone.
“Fine. You two handle it. Just don’t go too far.”
Then the call ended.
Using the wall for support, I made my way to the bathroom one slow step at a time.
In the living room, Paige sprayed air freshener. Each sharp hiss of the can sounded like another laugh at my expense.
As hot water ran over my body, I suddenly remembered the winter three years earlier, when Colin and I had just moved into this house.
He had knelt on the bathroom floor with a screwdriver, carefully removing each screw from the lock.
Halfway through, he looked up at me with a smile that crinkled the corners of his eyes.
“From now on, I’ll sing while you shower. That way, you’ll always know I’m right outside.”
I had crouched behind him and wrapped my arms around his waist, burying my face in his gray sweater.
In that moment, I had believed I would never be afraid again.
The hot water stung the wounds on my skin, but another feeling was far sharper than the pain.
For the first time in three years, the bathroom without a door no longer felt safe.
I stayed in the shower until the water ran cold.
By the time I came out, someone had already cleaned the hallway floor. Colin was waiting by the bedroom doorway with a glass of warm water and honey.
“Natalie, I know today was hard.”
His expression was sincere, and his voice remained gentle.
“Paige said your reaction wasn’t as bad as she expected. That means you’re making progress.”
He held out the glass, but I didn’t take it.
Colin leaned against the doorframe behind me, his tone casual.
“Are you mad?”
“No.”
After a brief pause, I continued.
“Last month, the bedroom door was locked for five minutes.”
“Two weeks ago, you turned on the window lock in the car, and I couldn’t lower the windows.”
“You did both of those things, didn’t you?”
Colin went quiet for a moment.
“Paige said we had to start with something less intense. You didn’t react that badly either…”
“And the storage room? What step was that?”
He set down the glass and came over, resting both hands on my shoulders.
“Natalie, I know you’re scared, but you can’t live like this forever. You can’t even take an elevator. Derek’s right. You can’t expect everyone to rearrange their lives around your fears.”
“Paige is actually studying this. Listening to her has to be better than avoiding the problem forever.”
I looked down at the hands resting on my shoulders.
Those same hands had once removed every lock in our home. Now they were putting them back.
“And the storage room? What step was that?”
Before Colin could answer, Paige called from the living room.
“Natalie, I’m heading out! I left some cookies I baked for you on the counter!”
“We’ll keep going next week, okay? You made it through a full fifteen minutes this time. That’s even longer than the textbook recommends. You did amazing!”
The front door opened and closed. The click of her heels gradually faded, leaving the entire house silent.
That night, Colin fell asleep beside me.
I thought about our wedding day. The room had been filled with guests as Colin stood at the altar and read his vows.
“I’ll be the door that’s always open for you.”