He Believed His Ex More Than He Believed Me Chapter 01
By the third year after my diagnosis with severe depression, Nolan Mercer was the only reason I kept living.
He had locked away every sharp object, installed a balcony safety barrier, and left the bathroom door cracked whenever I showered. “Take your time, Noelle Harper.
“I’ll be here.”
Then Vanessa Reed came home.
She had studied psychology and said Nolan’s protectiveness was trapping me in the role of a patient.
“The more you shield her, the more she’ll believe something is wrong with her.”
Nolan spent a silent night thinking it over. The next morning, he removed the balcony barrier.
“Keeping you boxed in only feeds the fear,” he said. “Once the balcony is open, you’ll see there’s nothing to be afraid of.”
He returned the knives to the kitchen. “You need to learn to live around them.”
He also stopped checking on me at night to see whether I was crying. “You have to learn to manage your own emotions.”
Vanessa always stood beside him and nodded. “Exactly.
“This is the healthy way.”
The day I crouched in a mall corner, unable to breathe, I heard them talking a few steps ahead.
“Stay consistent a little longer,” Vanessa said. “She’s almost better.”
“And then what?” Nolan asked.
“Then you’ll be free.”
She hooked one finger around his pinkie and laughed.
That night, I stood on the balcony.
The wind was hard, and the barrier was gone.
******
When the lock clicked at the front door, half my foot already hung over the edge. Wind rushed through the empty gap and plastered my nightgown against my legs.
Nolan and Vanessa came inside laughing. His car keys hit the floor, all the color drained from his face, and he started toward me.
At the sight of his panic, I instinctively pulled back. Before, if I stepped near the balcony, he would wrap his arms around me and whisper, “You’re safe, Noelle.
“I’m here.”
Vanessa caught his arm, her voice gentle and certain. “Don’t go to her.
“She’s threatening self-harm to control you, and if you rush over now, you’ll reinforce the behavior.”
Nolan stopped behind the glass door. As he watched me, the panic in his eyes slowly faded.
“It’s a textbook borderline control tactic,” Vanessa continued. “She knows you’re afraid, so she uses herself as leverage.
“You can’t keep playing along.”
Nolan swallowed. I stood barefoot on the balcony ledge, my toes numb from the cold.
He looked at me through the glass and lowered his voice. “You haven’t jumped, have you?”
I froze.
Vanessa sighed as if I were a difficult student. Nolan draped his coat over one arm, his voice returning to that weary restraint.
“It’s cold up there. Come down when you’re done performing, because I’m not going to enable you the way I used to.”
My fingers slowly released the doorframe. Standing there did not mean danger.
It meant I was performing.
I walked back into the living room, the floor icy beneath my feet. Nolan picked up his keys and told Vanessa, “You were right.
“I indulged her too much.”
Vanessa handed him a mug of hot water. “You did the best you could.
“Caregivers need boundaries too.”
At two in the morning, I crawled out of bed. Pressure crushed my chest, my temples throbbed, and a low roar filled my ears.
I opened the nightstand drawer and found the white prescription bottle. When I twisted off the cap, a handful of brightly colored candy tablets spilled into my palm.
I stared, unable to understand. Then I carried the bottle into the living room, where his laptop’s blue light washed across his face.